Ed and the Mexican resturant
by NadiaTheDarkOne
Summary: A collection of stories that the muses force me to write in math class. The stories are sure to be filled to the brim with humor, songfics, and lots of random crap. Rating may go up. CAUTION: humor X humor sign!
1. Chapter 1

**_Ed, Winry, and The Mexican Resturant_**

_**By Kumori Elric (and my bestest friend in the whole wide world, Latara Elric)**_

"Hey, guys, Do you want to get dinner? Im starved..."

Al looked down at the two blondes. "But I can't eat." Ed took out several dollars.

"Go buy yourself somethin' nice"

"Like a kitty?" Al squealed.

Ed and Winry sweatdropped as Alphonse Elric skipped off to wherever the petstore was.

"Is he ever going to get over cats?"

"probably never..." Ed sighed. Winry smiled.

"Taco bell?" Ed sighed "Nah, they dont let me in there anymore..."

_Flashback_

Taco Bell explodes, due to too much consumpton of hot sauce by the one and only -cough-Ed-cough-.ward.

_End flashback_

"Well, we'll get take out." Ed jumped up. "NO! I ...uh...wanted to uh...take you out for dinner."

"Ed, youre acting like we're on a da-"

"ITS NOT A DATE AND IT NEVER WILL BE!" Ed shouted. His face looked like a tomato! "I just wanted to sometin' nice for you..."

Winry sighed. "This reminds me of when I went to mexico."

"I know...What a wonderful place..." The teenage boy said happily.

"You went to Mexico?" The mechanic asked. she raised her eyebrow in disbelief.

"Yup, I sure did."

"Did you like the statue of that one guy? With the glasses?"

"What exactly did it look like...?" Ed voice trailed off, tapping his chin with his index finger rapidly. Winry squinted her eyes. Ed whistled row row row your boat.

"You never went to Mexico, did you?" In an exzolting voice. Ed pouted.

"Well, I ate a taco once! In a place that LOOKED like Mexico!"

"In taco bell..." Winry mumbled under her breath. The blonde alchemist folded his arms across his chest, and still in that grouchy mood of his...( A/N: he must be PWS -putting up with women's shit-) As Winry walked beside him, she pulled out her trusty wrench and...

_**BOOOM!**_

**_"D' OW!"_** Ed screamed. "What in hell's name did ya do that for?"

"Im tired of that pissy-ass attitude of yours, you stupid chibi alchemy freak!"

Ed growled and wanted to hit her. But, his mom told him not to hit girls...

"But she's no girl, shes a demon..."

"**WHAT DID YOU SAY?" **She screamed. Ed fell backwards onto the pavement.

To be continued...


	2. The Mexican resturant part 2

**NOTE:** Hey, since this story is gonna be sorta...short, i thought this thing could be a collection of random stories that the muses force me to write during math, geography, and english in school...But mostly math. (yes, i hate it very much) i already have a ton of them in my room, so ya. it'll be easy to write. anyways, lets get on to part 2.

PART 2

"Owe I gotta boo boo," Ed said with a tear in his eye.

"You are such a baby you know that!" Winry added as the blonde boy sat on the pavement with rage.

"You know Winry Mexico is where my pappy went once," Ed said as the subject was left behind the two young LOVERS!

"But you know I have a present Ed just for you!" Winry replied.

"Yay present give me it now now now," Ed said throwing a fit then sliped on a soapy area which was made by Al when he washed the cat earlier that day.

"Here Ed Just be careful!" Winry said with a evil smirk.

(paper flying every where!)

"Yay a free taco meal at TACO BELL!" Ed said happily.

Al walked in the door with a box!

"Hey guys I didn't have to spend that money know why," Al said exitedly.

"No what did you get?" They both asked knowing they would regret it alot!

"Well I got 10 new kittys! Aren't they so cute? Hey little guys awe he bit me evil little angel!" Al said making no sense.

"..." Ed and Winry shook their heads in silence and went into the living room to watch tv. (i dun care if they didnt have tv back then. this is MY story, and the FMA crew and/or other anime charatcters are under MY control! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!)

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sorry its short; i warned you. mabye ill type some more later...-evil grin-


	3. A Poem by Riza Hawkeye

**NOTE:** Ok, this poem is just a random thing I wrote in math today. So if it doesnt make sense, im sorry. its random, and I...wrote it in like...2 minutes. random words popped into my head, and blah blah blah. I bet youre not even reading this note. -sigh- oh well. on with the poem...

_**-A poem by Lt. Riza Hawkeye-**_

To my dear Colonel...

I see you looking out the window

Gazing at the sky

When I watch you do these things

It makes me wonder why...

Sure, you do stupid things

Alot of them, might I add...

If you slam that phone down like that one more time,

You'll make me very. _Very _mad.

It's true, you're a pervert,

But you still have class

And if you EVER put a mini-skirt on me,

IM GONNA KICK YOUR FRICKIN' ASS!

My dear Colonel...

I hope you're not reading this

Cause if you are and I find out...

I'll pull out my 42

And your brains will be scattered all about...

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Yes, I know... Riza usually doesnt cuss THAT bad...but hey. i was pretty pissed when I wrote this...I have fricken health for P and FA and the fricken bitch gave us homework i have P and FA 2nd period, and math 3rd period. so ya, i was still fuming. and i write to get things outta my mind and...agh, there I go blabbing again. damn, i have to break that habit. oh, and if there are any typos or grammar mistakes, i was multi-tasking...alot. i was singing, listening to Maroon5, eating candy, babysitting, writing another poem for this story and thats it. AGH! IM BLABBING A-FUCKING-GAIN! QUIT TYPING! -knocks self out- ugh...


	4. A Roy Mustang Story: Women's underwear

**_Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear _**(This is an acual song!)

_**In the tune of: Winter Wonderland**_

Roy was sitting on the couch in Riza's apartment, flipping through one of her fashion magazines. He had volunteered to watch Black Hayate while she was on an important mission out west, and he regreted it. He was bored out of his mind. The Colonel flipped to the lingerie section of the magazine, and drooled at all the models. Then, something popped into his mind. Something you would never think Roy would think about...

'_I wonder what I'd look like in that...'_

Suddenly, he locked the doors and windows, grabbed the magazine, and dashed into Riza's bedroom. He then laughed an evil laugh, and opened the drawer Riza kept her lingerie in.

"Wow...Ive never seen so many pairs of lacy underwear in one place before!" He said to himself.

Pulling out the whole drawer, he dumped its contents out on the bed. Roy chose a lacy Red thong and put it on.

"Ouch! How can Women wear these things?"

_**Lacy things-- The Wife is missin'**_

_**Didnt ask-- Her permission**_

_**Im wearing her clothes**_

_**Her silk panty hose**_

_**Walkin' round in womens underwear**_

Roy pulled out some red, silk stockings that came up to his hip. Pulling out a skimpy shirt that matched the thong, he threw off his blue shirt and put it on. He laughed a girlish laugh as he pulled on the spagetti straps. He looked in the mirror at himself.

"..ahha! Shoes!" He cried, opening the closet. Inside, he found a shoe rack. Spotting a pair of ruby red high heels, he snatched them and attempted to put them on. His heel hung an inch off the back.

_**In the store-- theres a teddy**_

_**Litte straps-- like spagetti**_

_**It holds me so tight**_

_**like handcuffs at night**_

_**Walkin' Round in womens underwear**_

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Roy screamed. What if it was Riza? Thinking quickly, he dumped a bottle of hairspray on his head to make it look like he had just gotten out of the shower. Then, grabbing a robe, he put it on and ran for the door. Roy peeked through the little hole. Havoc was on the opposite side of the door, lighting a cigarette. Opening the door, Roy grabbed his subordinate and pulled him inside.

"What is it? Is Riza back?"

"No. I just came to tell you that West City is experiencing severe thunderstorms, so her train is delayed until further notice." Havoc explained. Roy sighed a sigh of relief.

"Phew. Thats good to know. Now I wont get in trouble."

The Lieutenant eyed his commanding officer suspiciously.

"Get in trouble for what?"

Roy started to sweat. He looked around nervously, but then let the robe fall off his shoulders.

"Youre wearing womens underwear?" He cried. Roy nodded his head.

Havoc's face suddenly lit up.

"Ive wanted to do that my whole life!" He exclaimed.

Roy smiled, and dragged his friend into Riza's room. Havoc chose an outfit similar to Roy's, only it was a light blue and white. He chose some white high heeled boots. The two men squeeled like school children and ran around the house.

_**In the office theres a guy named Havoc!**_

_**He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.**_

_**He'll say "Are you Ready?"**_

_**I'll say "Woah man!"**_

_**"Lets wait until our wifes are out of town."**_

Havoc stopped when they wizzed past the bathroom. He had an idea.

"Hey Colonel."

"Yeah, Lieutenant?"

"We need to do something about this..." He said, pointing to his chest.

Roy looked towards the bathroom. He smiled.

"Great idea! We can stuff our shirts!" He cried out.

The two men used up two whole rolls of toilet paper each, making it look like they had gigantic gazongas. The two men walked back into Riza's bedroom, flopping onto the bed, which was still covered in Riza's undergarments.

"Do you think we should take this stuff off yet?" Havoc asked.

Getting up, Roy walked over to Riza's vanity. He picked up a stick of red lipstick and opened it.

"Nope...the fun's only just begun..." he said in an evil tone. The two smirked as they started giving each other makeovers.

_**Later on--If you wanna**_

_**We can dress like Madonna**_

_**Put on some eyeshade**_

_**and join the parade**_

_**Walkin' round in womens underwear!**_

_**Walkin' round in womens underwear!**_

_**Walkin' round in womens underwear!**_

Havoc and Roy ran around the house with the music blasting. The song playing was called "Walkin' Round in Womens Underwear" Then, all of a sudden, the front door opened...

"ROY? HAVOC?"

"Hi Falman..."

Havoc and Roy smirked evily and dragged him into Riza's room.


	5. Al the salesman

**Chapter 5**

**Al the salesman**

Alphonse Elric walked down the streets of Central City, carring a large box.

-meow-

"I'm sorry, kitties. I would keep you, but brother says we don't have enough room in our dorm. Besides, even if we did, I still would'nt be able to keep you because they don't allow pets in the dorm." Al sighed.

"Meow." meowed the kittens.

"Aww, you're so cute! I wish I could keep you, all of you."

Al sighed as he sat down on a bench beside a dude reading a newspaper. The armor shell glanced at the dude, and back at the kittens.

"Hey mister, wanna buy a kitty?"

"No, thank you." The dude said looking back at the newspaper.

"...You wanna buy a kitty now?"

"No, I don't want a kitty now."

Al looked around for a minute or two. He looked at the dude, at his feet, at the kittens, and back at the dude.

"It's later, do you want a kitty now?"

"NO I DON'T WANT A KITTY!" The dude screamed. He folded his newspaper and got up. He walked away.

"Aw..." Al sighed.

The kittens in the box meowed some more. They attempted to crawl out of the box, but the sides were too high. He began to walk around, asking people if they wanted kittens. He sold 9, but the last...and the smallest...he just could'nt seem to sell.

He sat on a bench near the big clock tower in the plaza.

"Aw, im never gonna find this one a home..."

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**Short, I know. I'm not gonna take all the credit for this one. I acually got the idea when my friend Latara and i did this FMA puppet show for my Brother and his friend. She had Al and Barry the Chopper, and she did that kitty part, and it gave me this idea, so thanks for the idea, Latara. LYLAS!**

**ANOTHER NOTE FOR LATARA: **

**U better be at that picknic in the park thingy sunday, or i'll kick you ass, got it? Ill be so bored, all by myself in that corner in the pool; that we both love so much. Besides, who else is gonna help me drown Reilyn and her bitchy little friend?**


	6. Ed's School Days

_**Ed's Wierd School Days**_

Story By Akena, and Nadia,

**Part: 1**

ROLEPLAY

Mrs. Kiml: Today in class, Were learning about all that Boring Math Stuff You all Hate!!

Ed: Oh great, that bitch'll keep talkin for hours...

Al: -pets kitty and looks at ed- Do you wanna pet the kitty?

Ed: No i don't wanna pet the damn kitty...

Al: -smiles wierdly and whispers- The Kitty is sexualy attracted to young people like your self. -smiles-

Ed: And you know this how?

Al: -Shouts- Cause I'm no Longer A Virgin!!!!

Mrs. Kiml: I Don't think This is health but i'm willing to talk about how babies are born. -smiles-

Ed: Mrs, Kiml.. Just out of couriousity,,, Are You high?

Mrs. Kiml: Of course not. Do you think I'm that stupid! I smoke Crack! And I'm a Hooker!

Al: But You told me you weren't! -cries-

Ed: What the hell are you talking about?

Al: The kitty didn't make me lose my vir-

Ed: OMFG! I need to hear no more.

Kitty: Whoa! Dude thats Fucked Up! Homie your so totaly an Ass! You little Prick!

(Everyone is so shocked about what the kitty said they fall off their seats. And reamin unconscious for 4 days.)

Ed: Ew...

Al: What?

Ed: Someone pissed on me! -x.x-

Mrs. Kiml: Sorry that was me...

(Ed hears Voices)

Voice: Ed?

Ed: Huh? Mom is that you?

Voice: Ed?

(Ed wakes up)

Ed: No Mommy I Want no more TACOS!

(class laughs)

Ed: Omg,,,, It wasn't a true.. -looks at Al-

Al: Ed. You feel asleep again.. And we've only been here.. 5 minutes... (shouts) NEW RECORD! WEEE!!!

Mrs. Kiml: -mumbles- Little bastards...

(teacher begins talking about confusing/boring math)

-while no one is paying attention Ed pulls out a book of porn-

Al: omg! those girls in that book are naked!!!

Ed: Duh.. Thats why I'm looking at it...

Mrs. Kiml: Ed I'm so proud of you!

Ed: -nervous- Why?

Mrs. Kiml: Cause your Reading! -smiles-

Ed: oh... Well yea. ok... Um... I'm just gonna go "read" my book some more...

Al: Ed isn't that a picture of Winry without a top on?

Ed: Yeah... -drool-

Al: ED! I'M TELLING!

Ed: AL DON'T YOU FUCKING TELL HER!

Al: I'M TELLING HER YOU CUSSED TOO!

Ed: Why? Al, come on. It's fucking COOL to cuss. Fuck shit bitch ass-- -repeats same 4 words over and over-

Al: SHUTUP!

Ed: -pouts-

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_**Woah, Random. We got bored and made this dumb thing. XD **_

_**CAST:**_

_**Edward Elric - Nadia**_

_**Kitty - Nadia**_

_**Mrs. Kiml - Akena**_

_**Alphonse Elric - Akena**_

_**PS: Don't ask why Ed was looking at porn and why the teacher is such a dumbshit. XD**_


End file.
